Friday, May 29, 2009

Morning attack in my neighbourhood

Today my heart stopped.
But only for a moment.
(And not really, let's be serious.)

I had gotten up extra early, as there was a conference downtown that I had to be at for 815. I did my hair, brushed my teeth, chose an outfit and headed out the door

730 in the morning, everything was pretty quiet. Few cars buzzing past, houses still dark and barely stirring. The air was cool and thick.

As I was walking out from my driveway to the bus stop, someone burst out of the house to the left, screaming, certainly out to attack me. I was so frightened that I ducked, covered my head and quickly scurried across the street to safety.

When I was safely away, and I realized I was not actually being pursued, I looked back to see my potential attacker, imagine my surprise to see, standing on the front step, a 70 year old woman in a pink house coat, rollers in her hair with a plastic cover, waving a broom, and telling in a language I don't recognize... At a racoon.

The two were facing off in a battle of wills.

The 70 year old won and she scared me half to death in the process. That racoon didn't have a chance.

A dash of wickedness is good for the soul...

There is a girl on the streetcar that thinks she is all that. And really, who knows. Maybe she is. Bright red stiletto heels, Jackie O-ish sunglasses, skinny jeans and a brown leather jacket that looks like it costs more than my life. She is on her cell phone, and looks disgusted that she has to wait for the street car like the rest of us.

Her fly is down.

I don't think I'll tell her.

Delightful.